I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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