and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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