The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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