FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
