were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
