this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
