matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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