I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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