My brain says no but my pants say off.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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