Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
