i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
