If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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