A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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