4 words: hood of his car
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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