im about as happy as oj after his trial
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
