I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
being pregnant is like rehab
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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