yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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