I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
pop tarts are not kleenex
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
