I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
