2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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