omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
