Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
