I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
