Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
