belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
