Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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