I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
