I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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