break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
