is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
