That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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