I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
