Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
