How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
