So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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