I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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