FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
