You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
