The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you made out with another girl for some wings
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
