This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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