She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
