Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
