I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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