I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
