I look better un-naked...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
