What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
