If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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