Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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