just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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