it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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