how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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