i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
